Its been a while since I have written anything to you or about you. Honestly I don’t know why i write on here. But, maybe it gives other people an idea of you so you are not forgotten. The family seems to lock it away that you passed. They dont hang pictures, you dont even have a grave i can visit. But this is all i got. Whenever i talk to people about you they always bring up the bad… the addiction, the time behind bars, and even though i could say 1001 bad things you have done… i can’t. Your my big brother I watched you suffer and become skin and bone, ive dragged you into the shower and threw you into cold water because i thought you had died. I used to take your needles and break them thinking you couldnt get more. I watched you go through fits when you couldnt get drugs into your system. I have scars all over my body from the rage fits when i would dump your stash. I was there for everything. But at the end of the day you are my big brother.. and i hardly remember that stuff. I remember the last 5 years.. those years you got clean. The years you raised your family to know that no matter how low you get, you can come out on top. I remember your wedding, I remember when you found out Hanna was your daughter and you grabbed me so tightly and said you where so scared because you didnt know how to raise a girl. Well look at her now. She is doing amazing. I remember the letter you wrote me from Jail “July 13th 2002” when you told me you wanted to get clean and you promised you would. You never broke that promise.. it just took you longer to make it. I witnessed you change your life in 5 years and never look back. October 4th 2013. I remember how fast i tried getting to the hospital but it didnt seem fast enough. I was so angry I lost you. You had demons you beat and walked over them like lightning. Then you where taken. I was never much for religion, you knew that. But that night i ultimately stopped believing in god. And our paths are our own and never pre determined. I miss you. I feel like i see you in faces of people in public. I feel like i catch myself in conversation with you at times. I guess nobody will understand the bond we had.